I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
