Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
