We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
