Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My ass is underappreciated
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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