i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
