When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
