I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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