masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
