You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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