pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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