the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
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he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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