I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am one with the molecules
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
