A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
