Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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