I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
