U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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