My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
