the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
