The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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