He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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