yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
