her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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