I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
