For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
