come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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