Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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