I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Help. Why am I so naked?
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