was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
