Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
