I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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