I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
