I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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