she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
