so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
