I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
