I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
