I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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