i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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