how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
