Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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