they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
