margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
