Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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