Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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