ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
