so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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