You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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