two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
