I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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