UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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