Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
