I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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