just tell him i said nine months
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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