I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
