Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The beer is more important than you right now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
