I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think my vagina is haunted
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
