Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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