"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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