Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
