she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just forgot I was standing up.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
