I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
