My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
