Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Randomize
