everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
