and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
