It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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