I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
