Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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