Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
