He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
