Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
