I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize