Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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